37 Weeks!!

This is getting a little redundant, eh?? God sure does have a sense of humor! I spend the last 17 weeks on bed rest, trying to keep from delivering and now it can't come fast enough to suit any of us! :) Our newest game is trying to guess which day the baby will come. Landon is on thin ice with me because he said the 11th! Actually, that would be true to form for my babies because I am scheduled for a c-section on the 12th. Landon was a week overdue and they had told me no matter what they would have to induce me on the 7th...and my water broke on the 6th! With Tanner, they had encouraged me to have a scheduled section but I was fighting to try a VBAC and finally convinced them to schedule the C-section after my due date so I could at least have a chance at labor (what was I thinking?) and so my water broke on the 26th, the day before my scheduled section date! Landon first had suggested that the baby would come on the 4th, which would be next Thursday...next Thursday?! I just cannot believe it is that close! I cannot wrap my brain around not being stuck in the bed 24/7 anymore!

Sleep is sketchy at best these days...not just because I am up 4-10 time a night, but I find myself very anxious lately. It is so strange...during the "darkest" days of not knowing whether or not we would be able to carry the baby to viability I felt peaceful and confident that God was working His plan and it would be fine...now we are at a point where theoretically, the baby is term and would be fine and I am having more trouble with anxiety. What the heck is that?! I am exhausted and so over being confined to the bed. Yesterday we had some friends and their son come to watch the GA game (what a waste of a trip downstairs...not the friends, that was fun, but the game was pitiful!). Anywhoo, I stayed downstairs after they left and parked myself on the living room couch so I could watch Greg, Landon and Tanner decorate the tree. It was pretty comical because Tanner put almost every ornament I handed him on about 4 limbs all together...but he was so proud to be helping. At first he would say "I can't do it", but Greg showed him how to make it work and then every time he would hang one he would say "I did it". It was so cute! Cuter still was Landon saying "Good job brother...you are a big boy!" It made me so proud. I also got a little frustrated and sad that this was yet another thing that I was watching and not really getting to participate in with them...Landon was worried and asked me what was the matter and the only way I could explain it was with time out..."Do you know when you make a bad choice and have to sit and think about what you should have done? And everyone you were playing with is still playing, but you just have to watch until you can calm down and explain what your bad choice was? That is how mommy feels. I feel like I have been in time out for the last 4 months, just watching you and Daddy and brother having fun and making memories and I didn't even make a bad choice. So it is frustrating for me." And just like that, my little 4 year old got it...and it became clear to me...this has been my time out. God has been showing me that I don't always have to be in control. I don't have to be the only one there for my boys. I have a totally competent and loving husband who is an amazing father. It is okay for me to take a little time every now and again for me (maybe not 17 weeks, but...). And lastly, I need to learn to be content, wherever God has me. As frustrating as it is...God's timing is not my timing...but it is perfect. I need to trust that whatever the reason for the bed rest and now the waiting...it will become clear, or if not clear, it will just be worth it when I hold this latest gift. God is good...and I am thankful...despite my impatience!

Make it a great week...and feel free to suggest what day you think we'll meet this little one...might as well try to make the waiting fun! :)